jeridharlow

Well first off my name is jerid harlow i am 21 years old i have lived in park rapids Minnesota for about 8 yrs the rest of my life i lived in grand forks North dakota a few other places but not long enough to count them... my life has always been a little weird my family wasnt normal my father (god bless his soul) had a crippling diesase called mulitiple scrorosis (MS for short) i never realized it till 2nd grade when family day came and i was the only one there without my parents... i think back to it and it didnt bother me but i remember thinking Why??? so thats when i started asking questions about my dad ... and i learned my life wasnt normal at all at age six i was watching my father at home while my mom worked in the morning from 430 am till 6 am then i would get ready for school ... went grew up i had 2 friends Pat jones and jesse wrangham ... i was kinda of an akward kid i guess cuz i wasnt allowed to sleep away from home because of my dad... i wasnt in any sports till high school i was in choir and it was my passion to sing .. the older i got the more it started to set in that there was something wrong ... when i was 6 yrs old me and pat watched a show about fighting .. and now lookin back on it was the worst thing that could of ever happend ... we went after my dad with miniature pool cues and beat him up with them at he time he could still kinda walk and talk and defend himself but it was no good against to hyped up 6 yr olds we proceded to attack him till went to far and he had briuses on his arms and head ... about a month or so later he had his first seizure and almost died lost all ablitiy to walk and barely could talk... my mom tells me to this day that what we did had no effect on what happed but i still feel like i had something to do with it.... after that life was even harder  at age 7 my  father had 13 grand malm seizures and 2 storkes in one night i spent a lot of time at the hospital after that the doctors gave him 6 months to live ... but be the fighter he is he pushed thru 
           In december of 1999 i got strap throat and and a severe cold and i was out of school for almost a month over that month my fathers condition got really bad to the point where my mom knew we were going to lose him soon... the morning of januarary 17th will be in my mind for the rest of my life ... i came down down stairs to watch my dad that morning and told my mom i wanted to go to school that day... so she got home i got ready for school and walked over to my dads bed and wrapped my arms aroudn him the best i could and said" i love you dad always will " little did i know thats the last words i would ever say to my father..... i went to school and sat down in my first hour class and talked to my teacher and my classmates cuz i could feel something was wrong that day ... and told them about how sick my dad was and that he might not make it much longer.... later on that day at 11:37 am i was sitting in english class and my ears started to ring to the point where i could hear anything and then it stopped and i heard over the intercom "Jerid Harlow please come to the office " all the kids that were in my first hour were in that class and knew exactly what happend ... i stood up and walked out of the class room without a hesitation and started walking to the office it was the longest walk of my life . as i turned the corner to walk down the hall to the office i saw my older brother mike walking toward me and he was crying i nthe 21yrs i have known my brother i have never seen him cry ... and just by that i knew that he was gone .... 
          After my father passed away me and my mom had to ajust to not having to stay home and it was weird at first we would find ourselves saying no to things that we could finally do just out of insticnt... at my fathers funeral i didnt cry i didnt cry the day he died either never really understood it..it wasnt till about  6 months after he died i started to realize what happend and i lost it i went in to an emotional break down ... i didnt talk to people and i just wanted to die because i thought it was my fault... to this day i still do ... if i could could give up my life for him i would in an instant .. the next summer we moved to park rapids minnesota just a small ass po dunk town and my mom met her new husband david gartner ... i never haave liked the guy always knew there was something wrong with him... little did i know i was right .... they got married in the summer of 2001 which brought along my 2 new step brothers and step sister .... my step brothers are 36 32 and my step sis is 29 ... they lived with us at one point one of them was sorta normal didnt stay around very much and use to live out in seattle i dont mind him the other brother well he was cool at first he taught me a lot of things like to play guitar and how to draw certian things ... then he became a drunk and a physicofrinic bastard that tried to kill me and my mother.... my step sister is a druggie .. doesnt socialize very often i havent seen her in about a year and we live like 7 blocks apart.... this famiily has fucked my life up to no end .. in 10th grade i moved out of my house because i feared for my life and my safety and lived with my girlfriend at the time ... things have always been fucked up since i graduated from high school in 2005 being the first person in this household that has graduated from high school...
            I tried going to college but that lasted about 7 days i was working full time at a shop in grand forks as a mechanic and trying to go to school at the same time and burnt myself out.. so i quit school and went down a road most people dont come back from ... my and my girlfriend at the time had been together for almost 6 yrs and we started fighting a lot and she dumped me ... up till that point in my life i was a good kid never drank never smoked or did drugs.. after that night i was in a downward spiral i started drinking heavily after that and smoking ... then i started to come out of it i thought in november of 2007 i joined the army ... i left for basic in feb of 08 me having emotional problems i freaked out and went AWOL i was on the run for 2 and a half months finding also that my girlfriend at the time was pregnant ... then i realized i made a horrible mistake so i turned myself in and went thru basic and got to ait where i got stuck for 4 months  .. i got home 2 days after my son was born ... and my girlfriend told me that there was a chance he wasnt mine... and it crushed me ... so i ran away again from everyone and drank till i was numb in this time my girlfriend put him up for adoption ... i dont know 100% that he was mine but i will always say he was cuz he looked like me... and i love him the same way no matter what.. after that i have been in a spiral again trying to find a job and get on my feet with no luck yet .. but i have made one accomplishment i have found the women of my dreams and i love her to death.. i Love you amanda always will... and thru this all i have had one true friend that has never judged me and has always tried to help me and i love him like a brother he knows who he is .... so thats my life right now i am still a depressed person dealing with a lot of shit that happened if you have any advice for me holler at me plz i would love to talk